COVER: Why married women engage in secret investments

Marcelina Bernard* enjoyed every bit of her three years of marriage with her husband. Theirs seemed like fairy tale version of the happily ever after affair.

As their love blossomed, they quickly became the envy  of their neighbours.

 “I had a husband who gave me lots of love, I would always say to myself that he was indeed the right man for me,” she recalls.

What Marcelina and her husband accumulated from their work was safely deposited into a joint account.

“Whoever wanted to spend bit of the money would let the other one know, there was so much trust between us,” she explains.

Little did Marcelina know that the love and trust she reciprocated was going to be betrayed.

Four years into their marriage, Marcelina’s husband did the unexpected.

He started an extramarital affair and when he got completely immersed into the new relationship, he moved her  secret lover into his matrimonial home.

Marcelina was consequently kicked out of the house by her husband, and she was further deprived of her rights to share the proceeds saved in their joint account, leaving her desperate.

“How I wish I saw that coming,” she wonders.

Starting from scratch

Though the matter is being battled out in the courtroom, the 33 year-old woman has been forced to start from the scratch; much as she did not have an independent bank account.

After such unravelling, Marcelina bemoans her failure to protect her financial interests. She now wishes to have discreetly operated a small business that could’ve generated extra income for her to save for the rainy days.

 “During the happy days, we jointly shared everything. Sadly what used to be ours has become his and I’m in a mess now,” Mercelina says.

A modern trend

Unlike Marcelina’s failure to engage in discreet investments while in marriage, other married women have embarked on different business ventures while in marriage aimed at securing their financial interests in case the marriage comes to an end. 

These modern women have opted to discreetly open other small business ventures in a bid to save up money.

Most of such women are in shaky relationships, whose future hangs in the balance.

Reasons for secret investments

The idea of secret investment by women originated from an era when men wielded all the financial power and served as the sole bread winners.

 This left most wives feeling insecure and powerless in their marriage.

For this reason, they too started planning ahead by securing their financial future.

Some women believe if they have money of their own, they find themselves on more solid ground where all marital financial decisions are concerned.

Another major reason that makes women to secretly tuck some money away is infidelity. What happened to Marcelina is something that no woman wants to experience.

Marriage experts believe that how spouses lead their matrimonial lives could be a reason to the fast growing trend among modern women.

The counsellors suggest that after sometime in marriage, some men tend to change their character thereby revealing their true colours. Most women find that they married men who are mean, egocentric and irresponsible.

Pastor Victor Ishengoma, a marriage counselor with Empowerment Ministries International in Dar es Salaam says his office receives between 15 and 25 complaints on a monthly basis from men who accuse their wives of doing things behind their backs.

A great deal of men who frequent his office are disappointed after realising that their wives have in the course of their relationship, running small business ventures without their knowledge.

“The number of cases we receive speaks volumes about secret business ventures by wives; some men are very stingy, selfish and mean towards their wives, a joint bank account can be turned into a personal account,” says the marriage counsellor.

Pastor Ishengoma further states that women have been compelled to start ventures like restaurants and mini groceries as a way of absorbing the untimely shock that might occur, should their men turn against them.

In offering his advice, the marriage counsellor states that; “truth always heals, this is what we strive to tell spouses.”

Means to an end

Finding ways of survival comes instantly to these married women who for numerous reasons fear for the worst in their marriage. “Whenever signs of parting ways are heightened in a relationship, modern women are always a step ahead,” states the counsellor.

“I have got some five million in my bank account, says Mama Melissa*.

“I don’t know what would happen when he finds out about my small business in town,” she adds.

Mama Melissa who is a banker  hopes that her husband will not be able to find out about her Mpesa shop in town.

She could not stand her spendthrift husband, who used part of her hard earned cash from their joint bank account for his personal things. As a precautionary measure, the banker thought of opening up the shop in Dar es Salaam’s Posta area.

“I save the money from my business in a secret personal bank account. I know that the money will come to important use one day,” she speaks.

The situation in the Western world

Michelle Singletary, a columnist with The Washington Post recalls the advice she was given by her grandmother.

Her granny told her to always keep a little something in the bank that he doesn’t know about, just in case. The ‘he’ here, being Michelle’s husband.

She points out that in the days of her grandmother, opportunities for significant employment for women remained far and few between.

Yet, even today as women regularly out earn their male counterparts, especially in developed economies, the practice of tucking away a secret stash of money is surprisingly common.  According to a 2008 ING survey, 37 per cent of black women in the US claimed to possess a ‘secret stash of money.’

A recent survey revealed that there were 4.5 million secret savers in Britain, with women more likely to keep money hidden from their partner. The research by financial services company Prudential found that nearly a fifth of women had hidden savings averaging just over £1,000.

And earlier this year, a poll in the US found that 31 per cent of couples had committed what is dubbed ‘financial infidelity’ and were dishonest with each other about hiding cash, the level of their debts, or even how much they earn.

Debra DiMaggio, a Chicago divorce attorney suggests that though there could be several advantages to keeping this kind of ‘secret’ fund, there are a few potentially significant pitfalls, as well.

“Every marriage is different, and every woman has to decide for herself what may or may not work in her particular situation,” advises the attorney from the Law Offices of Debra DiMaggio.

According to her, having money that your husband doesn’t know about can be very powerful emotionally, as well as financially.

Need for financial freedom

Much as women operate discreetly, some men have confessed to knowing what their partners have been doing behind their backs. Such is the case for Michael Kehongoh, Child Protection and Outreach officer with C-Sema in Dar es Salaam.

For him, women are compelled to start up other ventures in a bid to have financial freedom.

In other words, Mr Kehongoh suggests that women want to do their things free from their husbands’ influences.

“They want some security, just in case the unexpected comes knocking, they ought to be prepared,” says Mr Kehongoh.

Other reports have it that  on average, when it comes to money, both men and women do some hiding . This means that women are not alone when it comes to secret investments.

 Even with the existence of secret investments by wives, such engagements have seldom been seen as a reason why marriages have collapsed, such business have acted as cushions to most women, hence helping many divorced women find stability after the marriage comes to an end.