Rising woman: Overcoming cultural barriers to grow

Dar es Salaam. “I was raised in a culture where girls are made to believe getting married in the good family at the age of early twenties is the ultimate goal. When I was growing up, girls had to be married by 19 or they will be marked as women with bad reputation,” she narrates.

Ms Atiya Sumar says the words she heard the most as she grew up were ‘no one will marry you’ because she was a bookaholic (still is), she was told a good woman comes off domestic activities rather than reading.

“As I kept growing, my family became more concerned on how I was addicted with reading rather than learning how to keep a family, cooking as well as other domestic chores,” says Ms Sumar.

She adds “It all felt too much pressure, I was told that one of the duties of a woman was to look pretty, especially when I was to attend events because that was where mothers of boys to be married to will easily ‘spot’ you.”

“I married at a very young age of 18, by the time I was 26 years old I had birthed three children while having a form six diploma, I became an ideal wife, mother and daughter in law,” explains Ms Sumar.

She details that even after being married, she had an empty space that made her unhappy, and she was always restless.

“I knew that through the books and my education, the skills I had acquired through the two would take me far, I wanted more than just a family,” says Ms Sumar.

According to her, she questioned her need for more than just family, she subdued the need as she repeatedly told herself that a woman should not want anything more than having a family.

Later on, at the age of 26, Ms Sumar enrolled in college to do a bachelor degree in business administration as she was given the conditions of not neglecting her family and responsibilities it came with.

She explains that she would not have gotten to where she is, had it not been for self-belief and confidence.

“I never doubted the challenges I went through, they were actually what made me value my capabilities of being a leader. I have a habit of instilling confidence in myself even when I really am nervous,” reveals Ms Sumar.

For her current position, Ms Sumar says she applied 13 times before she was appointed as the head of programmes and partnership.

“I had applied for less senior positions within the Council in Tanzania, the exact thirteenth time was for this position I currently serve, and it was to be my last application,” she recalls.

Ms Sumar narrates that the most vulnerable moments that made her uncomfortable was when she had to leave her home place in search of a desired yet better life.

“I was nervous because for the first time, I had to make my own decisions because I had to expand into the roles that were not given to me, I had to reach for them on my own,” she says.

She further explains that she did not have support despite her husband who have supported her since she expanded her dreams as a leader.

“It was as if people were waiting for me to fail, they were keen to take notice of my children because any mistake made by my children would fault me as the bad mother who chose her dreams over her children,” Ms Sumar reveals.

She calls her leadership style ‘adaptive’, she believes in teamwork because she says being a leader, you must learn to adapt how the team work things within the organization, it is only you can direct them toward the correct path.

“There are times you need to let your team guide you in executing different tasks at the same time you lead them,” says Ms Sumar.

She hints that she used to look up to different women in different work fields as she tried to emulate with them, despite not having direct relationship with them.

“I looked up to Chimamanda Ngozi, who is an author and a feminist, Mariam Meghjee, director of QWM properties, they made perceive things differently because of how opened I felt after reading and understanding what made them who they are,” says Ms Sumar.

She mentions John Ulanga, who currently serves as the country director for Trade Mark East Africa organization.

“He was my first boss at the Foundation for Civil Society, I still meet him monthly for mentoring and guidance on my career,” says Ms Sumar.

She mentions that she also has mentees under her wing, whereas she often collaborates with an organization called ‘Zahara’s dream’ to reach to them.

Ms Sumar says, to her time is highly valued, so every mentee guided by her known how to manage it when they have agreed on a mentoring program.

“Every person I mentor must be focused, hungry for success and proving themselves they are worth of my time,” she reveals.

On formal training for leadership positions, Ms Sumar hints that there are no leaders born without being guided on how they can perfect their positions.

“Most leaders are made and not born, you can have inherent leadership qualities but you still need to refine them and develop them,” she says.

She addresses the lack of diversity in top leadership positions where women are not rising to the positions as much as it is for men.

“There is unconscious bias and gender stereotype, they have been long judged because of their gender and not according to their skills and competencies and behaviours,” says Ms Sumar.

She says the stick toward success is now on the hands of women themselves, she advises women to take charge into changing their life stories as they diverse them toward success.

“It is our collective responsibility as women to shift the story of victimization to a story of growth and empowerment, we need to keep moving and do our best with arising opportunity, it is the time we show up and shine,” explains Ms Sumar.