How to climb up the ladder by defining your uniqueness

“I want be my own person” is a very common desire. I truly believe that sometimes people just say they want that which they don’t have but on the slightest possibility that it could come to be, they shy away. I am not going to give you that tired “you are your own enemy” line. Well, not today.

Look around. You will quickly realise that most people need something or someone outside of themselves to feel complete. That may paint a gloomy picture of most people’s level of self-confidence but if you walk up to the next person, introduce yourself and ask who he or she is, you’ll be looking into a confused face. If the person recovers from your question, you’ll get a name. Ask again; “who are you? Now you’ll be staring into a truly baffled face and then you’ll get a work title. Press on; with the same question and come face to face with reactions ranging from controlled amusement, mild irritation all the way to flat-out anger and everything in-between.

Our innermost need as humans is to actualise ourselves and yet we are programmed in the exact opposite way. Take a moment to consider our programming:

- We are programmed to be obedient

- To conform to what others expect of us,

- To attain academic excellence,

- To get a good job and work very hard at it, to stay in our place and grow at pre-determined paces

- To please others, and seek their approval. There is a set of rules to abide by.

- To get married, have children live a certain way

- To get married, have children live a

I know that you can see the pattern here. We are taught to identify ourselves with things and situations that are already set. They are set by people other than ourselves. And if we do not follow the path of the program in one way or another, we deem ourselves to be under-performing. Our whole programming is designed to produce human products for hire from our thinking, feelings about ourselves and ultimately the actions we take.

I say that your natural programming is to become wholesome in your own right. It is only then that you can be true to yourself and bring real value that others will happily pay your asking price for. This is how you become your own man or woman. This is how you grow from asking the question: “what do you do”? to understanding what the other person is about. It is how you grow from finding out where people work to finding out how they add value to life. It is how you go from saying: “I am a Regional Programs Manager. I am in charge of the East & Central Territory of The Emerging Markets at XCETA Technologies International.” to saying “Hello, My name is Fatuma Ndomi. I help organisations increase their efficiency and profitability by providing them with software systems to document, analyse and manage their business operations using web-based technology”.

The difference is that in the first instance, Ms. Ndomi’s identity, authority and value is based on a designation, company and operating region that is determined, controlled and owned by a party outside of her. A party that could have just about any other qualified, educated, efficient and I know that you can see the pattern here. We are taught to identify ourselves with things and situations that are already set. They are set by people other than ourselves. And if we do not follow the path of the program in one way or another, we deem ourselves to be under-performing. Our whole programming is designed to produce human products for hire from our thinking, feelings about ourselves and ultimately the actions we take.

I say that your natural programming is to become wholesome in your own right. It is only then that you can be true to yourself and bring real value that others will happily pay your asking price for. This is how you become your own man or woman. This is how you grow from asking the question: “what do you do”? to understanding what the other person is about. It is how you grow from finding out where people work to finding out how they add value to life. It is how you go from saying: “I am a Regional Programs Manager. I am in charge of the East & Central Territory of The Emerging Markets at XCETA Technologies International.” to saying “Hello, My name is Fatuma Ndomi. I help organisations increase their efficiency and profitability by providing them with software systems to document, analyse and manage their business operations using web-based technology”.

Seraphine Ruligirwa-Kamara is an expert on Attitude and Human Potential

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