My brother recently broke up with his girlfriend of many years citing irreconcilable differences. I always thought they would get married and have their portion of the happily ever after. Their split was a big shock. We were taking the other day and he told me he had no idea how to start dating again after so long. I thought hooking him up with my single friends was a good idea but his response shocked me.
“Are your friends’ wife material or are they slay queens?” He asked saying he does not want modern women drama. I was initially offended by his assumption that women are full of drama but also because I think my friends are good people. But after a while I did a quick analysis and asked myself if my friends were really marriageable. Which of my friends would I be happy to have as a sister in law?
What makes one woman wife material and another one dating material? According to him it’s quite hard to tell if a woman is wife material or not. I kinda agree with him though. See in the 1950s, what constituted “wife material” was pretty basic compared to how it is now. “Perfect” wives were women who stayed home to take care of the kids, keep the house in order, and have dinner ready promptly at 6PM when her husband walked through the door. Women’s aspirations became second to fulfilling their “wifely duties.” It sounds terribly depressing, to be honest.
But so much has changed since then. Nowadays what makes a woman a wife isn’t about being docile, submissive, and letting the man run the show? Thanks to the Women’s Movement, there is an equality that makes men want to find their partner and not their maids.
So I asked my brother what qualities he was looking for in his wife to be and he was quick to give a list of wifely attributes he wanted. I found it quite amusing because he did not have some of those qualities he was looking for. What is marriage material anyway? In reality, everyone is marriage material and can walk down the aisle. The real question is, do you have the correct skills to stay married by maintaining a healthy, long-term, and successful relationship?
I am certainly no expert in marriage. However, as a woman columnist and with a number of relationships under my stead, I’m privy to what it takes to get off the dating market and enjoying a satisfying marriage other people admire. But being marriage material is not just for women, the men too need to develop qualities that they want in the women because it takes 2 to tango.
There are some of the key qualities I think are crucial to both men and women who are considering marriage. One is transparency; Are you capable of being completely transparent and have the guts to talk about even the most uncomfortable stuff?. If you have a million bones in your closet that you can never share then maybe you care not ready for marriage. The second one is faithfulness; are you capable of sticking it up with one man or woman for the rest of your life? If the answer is no then you have no business entering marriage. The other thing is to ask yourself if you are an adult. Remember adulthood has nothing to do with age. Being an adult in a relationship is not about everything being perfect. Rather, it’s about being willing to have a two-way conversation. It also takes talking live on the phone or in person, instead of trying to discuss something via text message or email. Just sayin’.