GENDER TALK: The things men want to hear from women

Sunday November 4 2018


By Very Lynn

Men and women are, undeniably, different. While these differences are something to be celebrated, it can make communication a challenge. It takes empathy and a desire for connection to break through these barriers.

You can’t routinely expect a man to want to hear the same things as you do. What makes you feel happy and loved is not always going to be what does the equivalent for him. If you’re feeling a little lost about what your man wants to hear, here’s a list of suggestions to get started.

Compliments: It’s a well-understood fact that women appreciate compliments. But while men often present a tougher exterior, they feel the same desire to be complimented.

Don’t think you’re going to embarrass your man by recognising his qualities. If he gets a new haircut, tell him you think it looks super flattering. Comment on how sexy he looks in those jeans. You can even just take a moment on an average day and say, “Wow, you look great today.”

Men need this self-esteem boost just as much as women. Make your guy’s day by complimenting him genuinely.

That you appreciate him: Men are hardwired to want to feel useful to you. This can be in something as simple as helping you with an odd job around the house, but it can be deeper than that, too. If you look relieved or immediately pleased when he walks in the door, he’ll feel like you truly crave his presence.

Always thank him for the little efforts he makes to assist you, but go further than that. Let him know that you appreciate his mere existence, who he is as a person. Give him a big hug or kiss as soon as you see him. At the end of the day, straight-up saying, “I appreciate you” can have a profound effect.

What you like: A man needs help understanding what a woman wants. Women tend to pick up on the subtler cues in facial responses or conversations faster than men. For this reason, you may need to be more direct than you would with a woman when expressing yourself. Don’t drop a sly hint about what you want for your birthday and expect him to decipher your meaning. If you say “I’m fine” in a tense tone, he’s just going to take your words at face value.

Save yourself some grief by telling him bluntly what you want and how you feel. Maybe you think he should just “know,” but he doesn’t, so don’t set him up to fail.

Transparency: A man feels safe with a woman who is honest. This builds trust. If you play mind games or try to manipulate him, he’s going to feel on guard around you. That kind of relationship is not one that will last.

A man wants to come home to someone who is reliably on his side. If he has to jump through hoops to figure you out, being around you will be a chore instead of a reprieve. Be his beautiful confidante by being truthful and trustworthy at all times.

Occasionally it’s hard to be honest with the person you love, but if they are important to you then you have to find a way to do it.

That you accept him: Every human craves acceptance. Conditional love that comes with strings is not real love.

If you constantly criticize him, he’ll never be able to relax. He may try and change for you, but he’ll feel terrible about himself. There’s always going to be resentment lingering under the surface. If you always feel the need to change him, you’re probably not with the right person.

A real, loving relationship will not include one person trying to change or “fix” the other. There’s nothing wrong with having the ambition to become a better version of yourself, but the right person will make you want to do that without saying a single word.