CANDID TALK: Helpers who become masters and beneficiaries who forget

To be honest… helping someone in this economy is basically emotional gambling. You either become their lifelong hero or their conveniently forgotten footnote. There is no middle ground.

You give someone a job lead, connect them to your cousin at HR, or lend them fare to attend an interview, and the next thing you know, they’ve landed the gig, and suddenly they don’t know you.

Their Instagram bio changes to “Self-Made,” their WhatsApp DP is now a motivational quote, and you, the person who literally edited their cover letter at midnight, become a faded memory; they forget you like you’re a bad Tinder date.

But let’s not act holy. On the other side of the fence are the helpers-turned-hostage-takers.

These are the ones who do you a favour and then act like they adopted you. They tell everyone they “made you,” as if you’re a software update.

They bring you up in conversations you’re not even part of: “Unamjua yule? Aaah! Mimi ndiyo nilimtoa kwa shida!”

Sir, all you did was email my CV.

Suddenly, your life decisions must go through their approval board.

You post a photo in a restaurant, and they DM: “So you can’t even take me out? After everything I’ve done?” You change jobs, and they sulk.

You post a new job announcement, and they comment, “We thank God! I remember when I told you to apply. You see what obedience brings?” You buy a new car, and they expect to be the first passenger.

You change your hairstyle… they want credit because “Sikuwa nakubali hizo nywele zako zamani!”

It’s exhausting. You start wondering if it would’ve been easier to struggle in peace.

Now, before we throw everyone under the bus… Let’s acknowledge something uncomfortable: both sides have a point.

Kindness deserves appreciation. No one likes to feel used or forgotten.

But here’s where the drama starts, some people think “thank you” means “I now work for you.”

And others think “I made it” means “I did it all on my own.”

You’ll see it in subtle ways. The helper is constantly dropping hints… “You know, not everyone would’ve done what I did for you…”

Or the newly successful friend who refers to their past life like it was a myth, “Back when I used to hustle, before the universe aligned…”

Not: “Back when Beatrice gave me transport money and a pep talk.”

The prblem is, we treat favours like silent contracts. And because nothing was signed, everyone creates their own terms and conditions.

One party expects loyalty and undying gratitude. The other wants independence and fresh beginnings. Cue the drama.

The solution? Simple.

If you help someone, do it with your chest and your boundaries. You’re not buying stock in their life. You’re not God.

Don’t weaponise kindness. Let them grow. If they forget you? That’s on them, not your karma.

And if you’re helped? Say thank you. Loudly. Regularly. But don’t let guilt turn you into a human remote.

You’re not someone’s retirement plan just because they once shared their WiFi with you.

Respect the bridge you crossed, even if you no longer live on the other side. You don’t need to worship anyone, but don’t act like you emerged fully formed from the earth like a Marvel villain.

Bottom line? Be kind. Be grateful. But above all, be real. Life’s hard enough without turning favours into lifelong power plays.