Why open communication is crucial for teens in puberty

For teenagers, puberty can be a time of great change, uncertainty, and confusion.

It's a period of physical and emotional transformation that has a profound impact on a young person's development.

While some parents are more open and forthcoming in communicating with their children about these changes, others may shy away from having these conversations altogether.

Ms Catherine Msuya is a mother of two and a resident of Dar es Salaam who firmly believes in open communication with her children about puberty.
"I want my children to feel comfortable enough to talk to me about anything, especially when it comes to something as important as their physical and emotional changes during puberty," she says.

She adds: "I encourage open and honest conversations, and I believe it's crucial for their well-being and development."
Likewise, Ms Lindsey Kulwa, who is a mother of five also emphasises the importance of open communication with her children when it comes to puberty.

"I believe it's essential to have an open and honest dialogue with my children about puberty. By discussing the changes they will go through and answering any questions they might have, I hope to alleviate any fears or anxieties they may have about their bodies," she says.

Similarly, Mr Haji Mussa, a father of four also stresses the significance of engaging in open conversations about puberty with his children.

"I want my kids to feel comfortable coming to me with any questions or concerns they may have about their changing bodies. By being open and approachable, I hope it creates an environment where they feel supported during this transitional period of their lives," he notes.

How early is too early?
At the heart of effective communication lies a foundation of trust and comfort. Creating a welcoming space where children and adolescents feel safe to express their concerns and questions is paramount.

It is clear that parents play a crucial role in guiding children through these changes by fostering open communication and providing a supportive environment.

Catherine, says she has been demonstrating genuine interest and attention when her child approaches her with questions or concerns.

“I always listen attentively and make eye contact to show her that I’m fully engaged in the conversation. Also, I always tell her to see me as a friend sometimes rather than communicating with me as a mother all the time. That has made her confident enough to share a lot with me,” she says.

Ms Lindsey says that creating a non-judgmental atmosphere where her child feels comfortable sharing her thoughts and experiences without fear of being criticised or ridiculed is essential in building the child’s confidence in expressing his ideas and emotions.

She further reveals that she made a conscious decision to start discussing puberty with her children at an early age.
“I wanted to ensure that they were well-informed and prepared for the changes that lay ahead. I began talking to them about the basic biological processes involved in puberty, such as menstruation and growth spurts, around the age of 10,” she shares.

“I wanted to ensure that they had a solid understanding of what was happening to their bodies and that they felt comfortable coming to me with any questions or concerns,” she adds.
She went on to say that, as her children grew older their conversation about puberty became more in-depth.

Mr Haji reveals that he began talking to his child about the matter at around 10-years as well, believing it was an appropriate age for him to understand the message he wanted him to receive about puberty.

Ms Catherine Msuya shares that she began it when her daughter was at 9-years-old and has been keen on sharing with her child about the physical changes that she will be experiencing during puberty.

“I told her directly that puberty brings about noticeable physical changes, such as growth spurts, body odour, and the development of secondary sexual characteristics. I went on to assure her that all these changes are normal and a natural part of growing up for both males and females,” she explains.

Ms Lindsey Kulwa says that she was keen to share with her daughter about the menstruation cycle though it was a bit of a confusing and intimidating experience.

“She was surprised but I managed to explain the menstrual cycle in detail, emphasising that it is a normal and healthy process. It took her two months to come back and ask some questions on that topic and I answered all questions until she was satisfied, since then she has been so free to share with me her views on related topics,” she notes.

Mr Haji Mussa says he was keen to share with his child about sex, specifically how puberty often sparks an interest in sex.
“I told him to be very careful not to let his desire drive his head to involve himself in unsafe sexual acts. I have told him that there are several dangerous sexually transmitted diseases and HIV,” he says.
“I think sex is what makes puberty crazier as it is, so warning my child about it was more important than anything,” he adds.

On the other hand, there are parents who are hesitant to discuss puberty with their children. Some may feel uncomfortable addressing such personal topics, while others may believe that their children are not ready to hear about it.

These parents often struggle with finding the balance between providing their children with the information they need and protecting their innocence.

Mr Thomas Mgeni, a father of three based in Dar es Salaam, takes a more reserved approach.

"I never had a conversation about puberty with my parents, and I turned out just fine. I don't see the need to discuss this with my children. They'll figure it out on their own," he remarks.

He continues: “I don’t even know how to start such type of conversation with my own child. For me, it sounds like more of a Western lifestyle to talk to your child about such topics. I even stopped my wife from talking to our daughter about such things. They will notice changes and learn on their own.”

Ms Amina Yunus, a mother of fratenal twins, a boy and a girl, feels fearful about talking to her children about puberty.
"I know it's important to discuss these changes with my kids, but I'm worried about saying the wrong thing or making them feel uncomfortable. It's a difficult subject for me to present, and I'm not sure if they're ready to hear about it yet," she shares.

Similarly, Mike Kunga, who is a single father, expresses hesitation about talking to his children about puberty.
"I understand the importance of having these conversations, but I worry about how my children will react. I want to make sure I approach the subject in the right way and provide them with the information they need without overwhelming them," he reveals.

He adds: “ I’m not well-prepared to tell my daughter about puberty. My hopes are on her teachers, I believe they will teach her at school because I don’t know how to teach her at home.”

The differing viewpoints of parents in Tanzania showcase the varied attitudes toward discussing puberty with adolescents.

Father Leons Maziku, a psychology expert and a lecturer at St Augustine University of Tanzania in Mwanza, emphasises the significance of open communication in helping teenagers navigate through puberty.

"Puberty is a crucial time in a young person's life, and parents need to create a safe and open environment for meaningful conversations. Adolescents need guidance and support as they navigate through these changes, and it's important for them to feel comfortable and understood during this challenging time," he reveals.

He says parents and teachers should foster an environment where children and adolescents feel comfortable asking questions and expressing concerns about puberty.

“They should use accurate and age-appropriate language to discuss physical changes, emotions, and social aspects of puberty. They should also encourage open dialogue and avoid shaming or dismissing their experiences,” he says.

He adds: “Teachers should collaborate with parents to ensure continuity of education about puberty at home.”

Adding to that, Mr Charles Mallewo, a psychologist based in Dar es Salaam says society has to acknowledge that puberty can bring about a range of emotions, including excitement, anxiety, and self-consciousness.

“We should help our children and adolescents understand that these emotions are normal and provide support during challenging times,” he shares.

He continues that society has to help children and adolescents navigate peer pressure, social media influences, and the develop healthy relationships.

In addition to parental guidance, he says teachers also should play a vital role in supporting adolescents during this transitional period.

“At the classroom level, teachers can create a conducive atmosphere for discussions around puberty and provide valuable education and support to their students,” he shares.

On her part, Ms Aisha Abdallah a secondary school teacher in Musoma, Tanzania highlights the importance of providing comprehensive information about puberty to her students.

"As a teacher, I believe it's essential to provide accurate and age-appropriate education about puberty to adolescents. By doing so, we can help dismiss myths and misconceptions while empowering them with the knowledge and understanding they need to navigate through this phase of their lives," she says.

However, she says that some educators may face challenges in addressing puberty due to cultural or societal taboos.

Adding to that, Mr Charles Joshua, a primary school teacher in Dar es Salaam, acknowledges the obstacles in facilitating conversations about puberty.

"In our society, discussions about puberty can be considered taboo or sensitive, which can make it difficult to address these topics openly," he explains.

He adds: "Personally, I don’t teach my students about puberty but as educators, we need to find ways to approach these conversations sensitively and effectively, while also respecting cultural norms and sensitivities."

“We need to be open and honest with our children about puberty and sexuality, but there is a fine line between sharing necessary information and providing too much detail,” he cautions.

Navigating that fine line is probably not going to be a successful venture for some parents, but being willing to try is going to help shape a generation of better informed individuals, capable of making better choices.