I’ll wait until the wedding night

“Most of my friends and close relatives think I am abnormal. In the 21st Century, being a virgin at 26, leaves many unanswered questions. But I have decided to wait.

My name is Anyesi Stanley* I am 6 feet tall, confident and beautiful. I have participated in different successful fashion shows around Tanzania. I am a teacher by profession.

With the influence of sex almost everywhere in the world of today I will still remain a virgin until my wedding night. It is the only respect I can reward my body. And this way I cannot worry about sexual transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

I believe that I am not abnormal as others may think. I am physically and mentally fit. I am just keeping myself clean.

Keeping my virginity doesn’t mean that I do not love or want be loved. Love is not all about sex. I have been in two relationships; however, none of them matured to pave the way for the next step.

I am virgin by choice and not lack of opportunities as my social life is very vibrant. But I could not keep these guys as they wanted to trap me into sex before marriage.

I met Angelo in 2009. We became good friends and later we started dating. I was clear that it will be platonic love, he agreed. Things moved well in the first three months. We exchanged gifts and spent time together in public places.

Four months later things changed. From eight calls a day, they dropped to three, and after two weeks it went down to just one phone call.  I knew something was wrong somewhere. I ignored the situation knowing that he was seeing another woman.

As the relationship entered month five, he officially cut off communication. I realised he just wanted to cause emotional problems. He wanted to get into my pants and leave me like a piece of garbage.

Moving on with my life, I remained passive towards Angelo until I met Richard in 2011 at the teachers college. He looked serious and determined and never asked for sex for eight months of our relationship. As we clocked 10 months together, he proposed and I turned it down. I just wanted more time to finish my studies as I also get to know more about him. A month after I rejected his proposal, I saw a love text on his phone from another girl who was asking if their date was still on.

I was very shocked and disappointed. I thought he could someday become my husband. I gave him time to explain but he had nothing concrete to say. He apologised and I called it off.

Moving on was difficult but I regained strength after knowing that he might have cheated on me even after marriage. Todate, Richard is not married and he still wants me back.

Currently, I am in another relationship. I feel like the guy I am dating could end up being my husband. He is a God-fearing person, honest, responsible and friendly.

I am praying that, things work for us this way forever. I don’t want to show off all of my feelings towards him but if he asks me to marry him the answer will be, “Yes…”

The thorny issue of purity

According to voices.yahoo.com, virginity until marriage is a desirable quality to women and it would be an honour for a man to be the one to discover his wife’s sexually.

Sociologist Urio Mbago says that, modernity has changed the mentality of girls. The push to look modern forces them to exchange their virginity for favours.

“For most girls sex in exchange for money looks attractive. For this reason, it is very rare for girls to keep their virginity until marriage,” says Mbago. Adding to that he says, most young girls go for sex without knowing they are losing their dignity at a tender age; as a result they’re up with unexpected children and diseases.

Our society today is surrounded by so many temptations and it is tough for them to resist sex life. Parents and teachers are challenged to talk openly to their children, to educate them on the importance of handling themselves with respect, he adds.

Apart from the temptations, society views virginity as out-dated and older women who haven’t tasted the forbidden fruit as outcasts. However, there are girls who would want to gain experience for the benefit of their married lives, but I take this as an excuse, Mbago adds.

With girls it is even worse as some prefer to trade favours with sex. With immorality issues the society is facing, most girls will offer themselves as sex objects.

Why it pays to wait

Reverend Aidan Mbulininge of St Alban Church in Dar es Salaam says that, both males and females should remain virgins until they get married not only for religious matters but also because premarital sex has a lot of consequences.

“Boys and girls can remain virgins until they get married if they accept that God does not allow premarital sex.  Let them read the Bible to get words to stand by during temptations,” he says. “Good upbringing can also help prevent our sons and daughters from being easily swayed into sex by people with bad influence.”

The book of God says those who have Christ have the Holy Spirit and so would live in the spirit and would not satisfy the desires of the flesh, one of which is sex. But a woman who doesn’t know, believe and stand by these virtues, would be easily lured into losing her virginity before marriage either through peer pressure or difficult living conditions, reads part of the story in the voice website.

According to worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com traditionally in Muslim culture, the virginity of the bride is of great importance to the groom and the groom’s family.

Some people believe that on their wedding night a groom must provide proof of the brides chastity. The Hindu and Sikh religions are also very strict about women being virgins until marriage. Women can be shunned and not considered suitable marriage material if they have already given themselves to a man.

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