Why women need to overcome the discomfort of negotiation

Pay inequality has been a prevalent debate in gender studies. Deborah Kolb and Judith Williams, authors of the book ‘The Shadow Negotiation’ found that women lose more than USD 520,000, around Tsh. 1.2B during their careers. The other popular statistic is that women earn only seventy cents for each dollar earned by men, etc. But why?

Several reasons have been attributed to pay differences between men and women. They include women trading pay over flexible work schedules in order to meet family obligations, and gravitating towards less paying professions more than men. However, even in equally paying professions, women still tend to earn less than men, but again, why?

Negotiation skills have been attributed as a factor that leads to gender pay inequalities. Studies have shown that men are more comfortable negotiating and asking for higher salaries, than women. These studies show that women feel nervous negotiating, and often underquote themselves, ending up working in jobs where they earn much less than they deserve. Men on the other hand enter salary negotiation with a strong sense of entitlement and often do not get the nervousness that women do while negotiating.

What is negotiation?

Negotiation occurs when people cannot achieve their own goals without the cooperation of others. Important to note here is that one enters a negotiation with a set of “own goals” and what they are seeking is the “cooperation of others”; not the other way round, entering a negotiation without a sense of what one seeks to achieve, letting others determine the goal and then trapping us into accepting it.

When to negotiate

Negotiation is something we encounter in everyday life, at different levels of formality. In the workplace, negotiation is more formal, with more significant consequences. As such, in order to make the most of a career, it is essential to notice opportunities to negotiate and prepare for them when they arrive.

For example, when assigned additional responsibilities or moved to a new job, it is a good opportunity to negotiate. The caveat of course is to know that it is not a case of ‘show me the money’ then I will do the job. Rather, it is first to show the enthusiasm and willingness to take the responsibilities, while at the same time, being comfortable to inquire about compensation arrangements. However, women often get uncomfortable asking for money in exchange for their labor lest they will be considered greedy, ungrateful, etc. Why? Because women are often raised to be modest, non-materialistic, and humble. So, asking for more money seems at odds with their deeply engraved beliefs.

However, it is necessary, and it takes learning and practice to get comfortable with negotiating. Women tend worry, without borders, about what the other person will feel, letting it spill over from personal to career lives. A good place to start is to know that a career is a professional undertaking. A give and take place. A place where one gives the best to the organization and is entitled to receiving the best from the organization.

A friend of mine called me the other day to tell me about how she is having trouble feeling confident in her new job. Imposter syndrome has overtaken her, and she feels that the expectations put on her by her bosses and colleagues are unsurmountable. She feels under pressure because she doesn’t feel that her skills measure up to what is expected of her. This is affecting her confidence to a point that she does not claim overtime payment that she qualifies for. According to a lot of research on gender and negotiation, it is very unlikely that a man would act the same way; forgoing compensation they deserve due to limiting personal feelings.

In summary, negotiation is a skill; in fact, an essential skill. But it doesn’t come naturally to everyone, especially women. However, it can be learnt. And in this digital age, learning any skill is as far as one’s fingertips.

Ms Kimaro writes about careers, leadership, personal development, and issues affecting youth and women.