It’s not easy for a man to sustain his drinking levels if he doesn’t act smart. That is, if he can’t ensure his limited cash takes him through the month—a month during which he needs to drink daily.
Yeah, drinking daily isn’t too bad for your health and wealth (ha!) if you limit your intake to just a couple of beers.
If you aren’t smart, you’ll often find yourself having just two, or even one, instead of your usual three.
Yeah, three gives you sleep quickly, enabling you to start snoring before your better (bah!) has finished reading the first sentence of charge sheet against you.
Si you know, in the mind of the lady who swore before God on your wedding she’ll hold you for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer…till death finishes you off, will always query why you aren’t doing enough so that she holds you for better and for richer!
The charge sheet will normally read thus: “You always come home late, because you prefer your drinking buddies than your family. I’m well informed by impeccable sources that your buddies call you Dangote.”
She’ll continue: “You’re called Dangote because you pour rounds more than everybody else in any crowd you share a table with.”
You interpret that to mean she has discovered she’s married to a brainless bum. A very stupid husband!
Her charge sheet will also “show” you’ve a chick or two in every bar you frequent. It would further “expose” that you’re squandering money “with your bar wives even as the family feeds on dreary ugali with mchicha almost daily”
With such kind trumped-up charges, you need to ensure you sleep very fast and heavily so that you don’t hear them in full.
As all drinkers know, a meaningful amount of booze in his system enables a man to pass out as soon as his head hits the pillow.
Now to make sure you don’t deny yourself the beer you need for a quick sleep fix, you’ve adopted various ways to dodge freeloaders.
For instance, you only offer a drink to someone you’re certain will reciprocate with one…or even two.
And then there’s this smart trick you’ve seen being applied by some fellows.
They clandestinely pay for the beers they need and leave them with the akaunta with instructions.
Now as soon as they join you, they’ll hail a mhudumu and tell her: “Please go and tell the akaunta to release to you my four beers Massawe bought me yester-night when I was already too drunk to consume even an extra drop of beer.”
A good trick, this one! Since you take “Castro Laiti” and your tablemates would be addicted to other brands, there’ll be no question of anyone suggesting they help to polish off your yester-night’s stock.
You’ve also developed the habit of paying your bills using Lipa Namba. With this method, you kill any chance of a mhudumu asking whether she may convert some of your change to a beer for herself.
Since you aren’t as stupid as you may look, you’ve saved the Lipa Namba of the bars you often patronise.
So, after getting your bill, you simply proceed to pay without involving the mhudumu, then tell her to check out with the akaunta to verify.
If she’s the type that considers you stupid, she’ll most likely say, “I hope you’ve posted eight thou instead of six, so I can also take one, au siyo, bebi wangu?”
“Just go and check, baby,” you’ll tell her. She’ll go to verify, and by the time she comes back to your table to say, bebi umenidanganya, you’ll have sneaked away. Smart, isn’t it?
