THE DIVA: Bring all of you to the date – the real you
“I believe in something called reverse-dating.” That was the response my friend Lauren gave me when I told her how nervous I was about going on first dates with a new guy. She went on to explain that in reverse dating you bring the real you to the first dates and once the guy likes you, then you can bring your best to the relationship.
“My dating philosophy is that I show up as Lauren, I don’t glam up. I will dress modestly, put a little powder for shine, and lip gloss and that’s it. Because the first few dates, you don’t know if it’s going to last or not and I want the guy to know me in my elements, the real me without the make-ups. I’m going to put the effort in once he has proven that he deserves all of this,” signaling her entire body.
You gotta admit that she does have a point; as far as I can remember first dates have always been complex for women and that’s because we are conditioned to believe that we have to look our best. Look at any woman on a date, you will notice that she is really primped for the occasion -- namely for the guy. My girlfriends would spend days preparing for a big date by going to waxing salons, hair salons and go shopping for a new dress and lingerie.
A big date could sometimes cost hundreds just in preparation.
On the other hand I noticed that a lot of the men who were on dates with extremely made-up women weren’t really trying very hard. They were wearing old, ratty jeans and sometimes, even sneakers. They didn’t even bother to put on a collared shirt or some scent.
It got me thinking, and concluded that we are doing this whole dating thing wrong; we project our very “best” on the first date thus setting the bar very high and then get disappointed when the guy doesn’t like the real us once we get home. Unavunja kabati for the first date, what are you going to vunja once you are in a relationship?
I remember this one video that was circulating on social media where a guy wakes up to his girlfriend who now has no make-up. He freaks out and pulls a gun on her because he could not recognize her without all the eyelashes, make-up and wigs. I think it was funny yet sad. It means the woman had never shown her real self to the guy.
Most ladies on first dates will act all courteous and “lady-ish”, order some high end foods and drinks just so to impress the guy when in reality they swear like sailors and drink like fish. If you hide the real you from a guy whom you plan to be intimate with, don’t be surprised when he hates the real you –because he has never met her.
As Lauren puts it, it’s crucial that you bring all of you to the date- the real you- with perks and all. Don’t hide behind a mask or pretend you are something you are not. I understand the need to impress men but be real and natural, you might be surprised.
A successful date is one where you have connected authentically. True connection comes from accepting and embracing all of who you are and sharing your true selves with one another not putting up a fake front that you cannot maintain.
So I decided to go on my date wearing absolutely no makeup, I wore no mascara or foundation, no lipstick or eye shadow. Well I still ensured that I was well-dressed, smelled nice and looked smart. I noticed that my date seemed more relaxed and we basically had a great time and that’s how I secured my follow-up date.
