Catfished by design: When filters turn dates into disasters

The other night, my cousin came back from a date looking like he’d just survived a horror movie.

No jokes. He flung himself onto the couch like someone who’d been personally victimised by Photoshop.

“Cuzoo, I’ve been catfished,” he declared, eyes wide. “This girl played me. Instagram? Fire. In person? Eish. I even stood at the entrance twice just to confirm if I was being pranked.”

Now, if you’re rolling your eyes thinking he’s just being shallow, hold on.

According to him, she’d posted weeks of glowing selfies: smooth skin, model-esque angles, a waist like a Coke bottle, and a face that said, “I moisturise with rosewater and expensive decisions.”

But when she walked into the café?

Different story. Skin heavily filtered online. Waist edited to death. Face beat beyond recognition.

She looked more like her profile’s distant cousin than the actual owner.

And I know, I know...angles and lighting make a difference. Everyone curates their best self.

But let’s be clear: this wasn’t curation but a calculated deception.

This wasn’t “Oh, the lighting hit different.”

This was “Who even is this?”

And honestly? She was wrong for that.

Let’s call it what it is...catfishing is lying.

It’s false advertising. It’s tricking someone into being interested based on a version of you that doesn’t exist.

It’s no different from saying you’re a doctor when you’re still looking for a job in the group chat.

If you’ve filtered your face into a completely different shape, edited your body until your arms disappear, whitened your eyes, plumped your lips, slimmed your waist, and lifted your butt, then show up on a date looking like a plot twist… you’re not being confident. You’re being dishonest.

And here’s the irony: some of these women defending this behaviour are the same ones who say “men are trash” when they’re lied to.

Sis, if you can’t post your real face without Facetune, how can you demand honesty from anyone else?

Confidence isn’t built on lies. You don’t become more beautiful by becoming unrecognisable.

And before anyone says, “It’s just makeup,” no. This was a full-blown personality change with filters doing heavy spiritual lifting. This was deception on a digital level.

Now, does that mean men don’t catfish too? Of course they do.

But this time..this story, the girl was wrong. Period.

You don’t lure someone in with a fantasy and then expect grace when reality shows up looking nothing like the promo.

Men are allowed to feel misled when someone intentionally hides their true self. Just like women feel betrayed when a man lies about being single, or about his age, or about owning the car he borrowed for the weekend.

You want people to like you for who you really are? Start by showing them who you really are.

If you’re not confident enough to post or meet someone as your unfiltered self—that’s not your date’s problem.

That’s something you need to work on. Because at some point, the filter will fade, the makeup will come off, and the real you will need to stand on something stronger than angles and edits.

So yes, my cousin was disappointed and rightly so.

He didn’t get catfished by accident. He got catfished by design.

This wasn’t insecurity. This was strategy.

And the truth is, if you’re showing up to dates hoping your digital disguise buys you time to win someone over you’re not dating. You’re performing.

We need to stop glorifying deception in the name of self-expression.

Catfishing isn’t cute. It’s not “just part of the game.” It’s manipulation.

And the sooner we all stop pretending it’s harmless, the better.