When marriage takes away your right over your body

She still remembers that day clearly, when she locked herself in the bathroom and did a pregnancy test. At 33, Beatrice Frank* (not her real name) had just got a new job in an administrative position in Mbeya. Her daughter was almost two and her husband’s business had not picked up yet. Two strong lines appeared on the pregnancy test. Beatrice broke down and cried.

“It’s not that I didn’t want a child. I love children. It’s just that the timing was wrong. And I felt helpless because there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. My husband doesn’t want us to use any modern family planning methods,” she says. 

Beatrice continues, “I don’t know what to do. We have talked about it a couple of time but it doesn’t usually go well. I can’t have more children now. Do we have a plan? Of course we have a plan. We use the natural method of withdrawal. And sometimes, he doesn’t want to withdraw. That’s our plan,” she says.

Tanzania Gender Networking Programme (TGNP) Board Director Dr Vicensia Shule says Beatrice’s case is not surprising at all. An educated woman in her 30s is not exception to the effects of patriarchy in her home. “Women don’t own their bodies. We cannot make decisions of our own bodies. Men decide about sex and use us as their property. How you should sit, what you should wear. It is so deep that it has grown roots in economic activities as well. We are being used. The woman’s body is a valuable resource. We must empower women to own resources, including their own bodies,” she says.

But this is not always the case, says Asungushe Kayombo. As a father, Kayombo knows that he has a part to play in planning the size of his family. Kayombo, a medical researcher in Mwanza, admits that the first child they had five years ago was unplanned, but the second was. “My wife suffered from extreme vomiting when pregnant and she cannot do anything else during that time. We wanted the first one to grow up a little bit before trying again. I realised that my wife has her career goals. And I as her husband have to support her to reach her personal goals as she supports mine”.

It makes a huge difference when men are involved, says Women Deliver Young Leader Maureen Oduor who was part of a six months project that ran from June-December 2015. This was an initiative aimed at building family planning ‘supermarkets’ among the community. The project’s target group was bodaboda men and boys. This was done as part of FP2020 initiative. Family Planning 2020 (FP2020) is a global partnership that supports the rights of women and girls to decide, freely, and for themselves, whether, when, and how many children they want to have. The fourth-annual progress report, FP2020 Momentum at the Midpoint 2015-2016 was released last week.

“We always assume that men do not want to know about family planning. The issue here is that the information is not accessible. They are eager to know and support their wives. When we’re talking about family planning., we cannot leave men out. I am not happy that men aren’t allowed into the labour room. If men see what women go through to deliver a baby, they would support them even in planning the family that they want together,” Maureen says.

According to Tanzania Demographic and Health Survey 2010, modern contraceptive use among unmarried sexually active women between ages 20-24 is 48 per cent. On the other hand, modern contraceptive use among married women of ages 20-24 is 24 per cent. The survey also shows that total demand for family planning among married women is 49 per cent and that among sexually active unmarried women is 82 per cent. 

“There is a problem among married women in using contraceptives,” says Dr Cuthbert Maendaenda, Director of Tanzanian Men as Equal Partners (TMEP) In Development. There are fewer married women using modern contraceptives than there are sexually active unmarried women. And he agrees that a man’s ego has a lot to do with it. But he also explains that the problem is much complex than it seems. The service delivery system does not consider men.

“For the longest time, programs concerning family planning have only concentrated on the woman because most of the methods involve her directly. While in actual fact, both the man and the woman are affected by family planning.  Then again, most caregivers are women. Both are needed. The man is the source of that pregnancy. He must be involved in the whole process for family planning to be effective. We must look at how to control fertilization from a man. Its effectiveness would be 100 per cent,” he says.

And there are efforts being made to include more family planning methods in which the man can apply. Apart from vasectomy, scientists have been trying to create a male birth control which is a hormone injection. However, reports released last week reveal that the study which began in 2008 was terminated because of adverse side effects, including depression.

Any medicine is poisonous, says Dr Cuthbert. Even panadol can be poisonous unless you use the right amount for the right problem. The problem here is that people aren’t well informed on how to use modern contraceptives, such as the pill which is more widely used since it is easily accessible and affordable. They just get the pills from the pharmacy without prior counselling. And because of this, when they get any kind of side effects, they start spreading rumours about it.

“When you’re single - you have your own choice on what to do with yourself. And you have a wide pool as your source of information. A boyfriend offers support easily and readily perhaps because he isn’t ready to be a father at that time. But when a woman gets married, she has to ask her husband before she makes a decision. And also, because of his ego, the man doesn’t like it when a woman knows too much of a subject than him,” he says.

Kayombo decided that he would be different. He explains that with their second born, who is now three years old, he and his wife even discussed on how they could have an opposite gender. “I always wanted a son since I am the only son in my own family. We researched, read books on how to optimize our chances. The key was knowing exactly when she ovulated and plan intercourse around that. And voila, we have a boy,” he says and adds, “My children are my most prized possessions. Family planning enables me to provide the best environment for them to grow physically, emotionally and psychologically. There is a limit to what we can give emotionally or psychologically or even materially. Planning helps us provide the most of the best we can.”