Perhaps, you made it to the final round of interviews and visualised your first week at the new organisation, but then came that email, polite, generic but devastating. "We were impressed…but decided to go with another candidate." Ouch!!! That hurts, and trust me, I absolutely know the feeling.
This is an open letter to the runner-up candidate, requested by a reader who had gone through several rounds of interviews and had allowed herself to believe in the possibility of a long-awaited career door finally opening until … it didn’t. She was a runner-up, but I know she’s also not alone. Many of us have been there before.
Dear Runner-Up, You weren't meant to blend into a role that wasn't yours; you're meant to stand out elsewhere, and it will happen for you. Keep applying and keep believing. Usikate tamaa. Take a deep breath and lean into this letter.
Listen, when I got rejected from my first big job, I handled it with grace, and by "grace", I mean I ugly-cried into a pillow and questioned all my life choices and rage-texted my best friend. I remember trying to have a sense of humour about it and texting something along the lines of "LinkedIn said I was a perfect match; clearly this LinkedIn is the Tinder of career platforms."
She texted back immediately with something supportive and deeply irritating, like, "You weren't rejected. You were redirected." I rolled my already wet, teary eyes so aggressively I gave myself motion sickness, but she was right. I knew it even then; without the benefit of hindsight, the truth was I wanted to wallow.
If you're reading this, maybe you're exactly where I was, wanting to wallow. Perhaps, you made it to the final round of interviews and visualised your first week at the new organisation, but then came that email, polite, generic but devastating. "We were impressed…but decided to go with another candidate." Ouch!!! That hurts, and trust me, I absolutely know the feeling.
Right now, it probably feels personal, maybe even humiliating. In fact, it’s neither; job rejections are common and normal and can be a valuable moment of clarity. Harvard Business Review reports that over 75 per cent of professionals face at least one major rejection in their careers, and that number is higher for ambitious people actively stretching themselves. A 2012 study by Daniel Gilbert (Harvard) and Timothy Wilson (UVA) found that people are often poor predictors of long-term emotional outcomes. This “affective forecasting” bias means rejection feels devastating in the short term but often leads to more satisfying paths.
Hopefully, those stats might have comforted you a little.
I’m a big believer in one’s perception shaping their reality, so here are a few ways to rewrite the script in your head:
You weren't turned down; you were released from a future misalignment.
You didn’t fail the process—you earned crucial insights into your strengths and blind spots.
You weren’t overlooked—you narrowly avoided a path that might have dimmed your potential.
Your close call with this job wasn't a dead end. It was a quiet invitation to a better future alignment.
Here is a 3-step simple action plan that you can work through when you are ready:
1. Send a gracious follow-up: Craft an email thanking interviewers and maintaining a connection. Say something like, "I appreciated the opportunity to interview with you. If roles better matching my skill set come up, I'd welcome the conversation." It leaves the door elegantly open.
2. Update your story strategically: The story isn't "I was rejected." It’s "I made it to the final stages for a role at a competitive organisation. I gained clarity around what’s next." Own that narrative.
3. Lean into self-design: Use the momentum from this near-win to clarify your personal brand, upgrade your resume, or finally commit to a meaningful career pivot.
Lastly, take note of the invisible victories in your life and career. Recognise how your integrity stayed intact through the mismatched paths you gently stepped away from. Remember how you held onto your values, even when it would’ve been easier to let them go. Take pride in the clarity that came, perhaps not all at once, but in soft, undeniable waves.
Rejection isn’t who you are; it’s your launchpad leading you to where you belong.
