Her book, Mental Health and Parenting in Diaspora, which has also been translated into Kiswahili, explores parenting and mental health issues
Raising children in the diaspora demands a profound shift in mindset, particularly for parents who grew up in Tanzania, where parental authority was rarely questioned and obedience was deeply ingrained. For many, a parent’s word was final, absolute and beyond debate.
The mere sound of a father’s voice was enough to halt a child mid-step, instilling a blend of fear, respect and love that defined much of childhood.
That experience remains etched in memory, shaping a conviction that such an approach represents proper parenting.
However, migration to countries with vastly different cultural norms forces parents to confront an uncomfortable reality: the parenting model they know may no longer apply.
In many Western societies, children are encouraged from an early age to express themselves, question decisions and assert their individuality.
For a parent raised in a culture where questioning authority was unthinkable, being challenged by a child who looks them in the eye and asks “why” can be deeply unsettling and emotionally taxing.
This cultural tension lies at the heart of a new book by Deborah Mwangomo, a licensed professional counsellor and member of the Tanzanian diaspora living in Texas, United States.
Her book, Mental Health and Parenting in Diaspora, which has also been translated into Kiswahili, explores parenting and mental health issues that remain largely taboo within many African households.
Drawing from personal experience and professional practice, the book seeks to open conversations that are often avoided, yet urgently needed.
Having lived in the US for many years and raised her children there, Ms Mwangomo felt compelled to share her journey with other parents facing similar challenges or preparing to raise children abroad.
With the Tanzanian diaspora steadily growing across the world, she saw a gap in practical guidance tailored to African parents navigating foreign cultural landscapes.
Her aim was to document lived experiences, offer lessons and propose coping strategies that could help curb mental health struggles and parenting conflicts in the diaspora.
Life away from one’s home country is often described as an opportunity, even a blessing.
Yet it also involves immersion in unfamiliar cultures, social norms and ways of life that require constant adjustment.
For some Tanzanians abroad, adaptation is complicated by experiences of racial, gender-based or ethnic discrimination, which can foster isolation and loneliness.
In extreme cases, these pressures contribute to substance abuse or suicidal thoughts.
Even seemingly minor stressors, such as financial strain, unfamiliar food, different music or new transport systems, can quietly accumulate, creating a mental burden that is rarely discussed but steadily intensifies.
The pressure often reaches its peak when children are born or raised in the host country, with little or no connection to the traditions and social norms of their parents’ homeland.
In her book, Ms Mwangomo examines how exposure to peers, schools and media shapes children’s identities and behaviour.
“At home you raise your child as an African, but when they step outside the door, they meet friends who expect them to behave as they do, and that confuses the kids,” she explains.
A significant portion of the book focuses on Generation Z, exploring how this cohort thinks and interacts, and how parents can adapt their approaches accordingly.
Born into a technologically advanced era, these children process information, authority and relationships differently from previous generations.
Rather than framing parenting as a constant battle, Ms Mwangomo encourages parents to seek harmony. “Instead of fighting them, this book will teach you how to live with them harmoniously and still parent them well into their adulthood,” she says.
The book also addresses the unique struggles faced by children of immigrants, from bullying in schools to deep-seated identity conflicts.
Many grow up feeling they must be Tanzanian when visiting home, yet adopt a different identity to fit into their country of residence.
This dual expectation can erode self-esteem and create a persistent sense of insecurity, leaving young people unsure of where they truly belong.
As a counsellor, Ms Mwangomo has supported numerous immigrants during moments of personal crisis.
She notes that mental health challenges are far more prevalent within diaspora communities than is commonly acknowledged.
Cultural stigma often discourages open discussion, leading many to suffer in silence rather than seek help.
She advocates for normalising conversations around mental health and encourages individuals to reach out for professional support when overwhelmed.
She explains that mental health concerns the mind in the same way physical illness concerns the body.
A mental health challenge, she says, arises when an individual is unable to cope with everyday pressures, whether financial, emotional or relational.
Depression, anxiety and emotional instability can stem from ordinary life events, yet significantly impair a person’s ability to function.
Diaspora communities can be particularly vulnerable when the demands of adapting to a new culture become overwhelming.
Financial hardship is a recurring trigger, especially when combined with expectations from family back home to succeed abroad while providing financial support.
Balancing these obligations with the cost of building a life in a foreign country can be exhausting. Without adequate coping mechanisms, individuals may slip into depression or worse.
Both parents and children often report persistent tension in their relationships, with each side feeling misunderstood.
Parents may struggle to grasp the social realities their children face, while children may feel constrained by values that clash with their lived experiences.
Without open dialogue or counselling, this disconnect can escalate into emotional distress for both parties.
Ms Mwangomo argues that access to relevant resources, including books and counselling, can offer much-needed relief.
Parenting practices that are common in Tanzania, such as corporal punishment, are illegal in many Western countries and can result in serious legal consequences.
As a result, Tanzanian parents abroad must find alternative methods of discipline, a transition many find frustrating.
“You might beat your child in Africa, but when they come to the US and know the law protects them, they might cause chaos in the house knowing there is no repercussion to their actions,” she says. She advises parents to recognise that relocation requires rapid adaptation.
Children, she notes, adjust quickly to new environments, and parents must strive to keep pace.
She encourages Tanzanian parents not to fear adopting certain Western cultural practices while discarding those they consider unsuitable.
At the same time, she stresses the importance of intentionally teaching children Tanzanian values and cultural identity. Allowing children to blend aspects of both cultures can help them integrate socially without feeling alienated.
“Teach them your values as a parent; that will shield them from outside influences that are normalised in Western culture and may sometimes affect them negatively,” she says.
While the book primarily targets the diaspora, Ms Mwangomo believes its lessons are universally applicable.
Mental health challenges, she notes, exist everywhere, regardless of geography.
“This book can help any person or parent,” she says, adding that she also shares guidance through educational videos on YouTube, extending the conversation beyond the written page.
