The psychology of shrinking: Why you minimise your wins

You achieve something, and your first instinct is to downplay it.

You get a compliment, and you immediately deflect.

Someone congratulates you, and you say, “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

You’ve worked hard, you’ve shown up, and yet when it’s time to acknowledge the effort, you hesitate.

The recognition feels undeserved, or maybe just uncomfortable.

So instead of embracing it, you back away.

This behaviour isn’t always loud. It shows up in small ways-in how you describe your work, how you introduce yourself, how you hide parts of your progress because you’re afraid it might come off as bragging.

You celebrate in private, then go back to pretending like it’s no big deal.

Shrinking doesn’t mean you’re not proud.

It means you’re protecting yourself.

What shrinking really looks like

Shrinking is a quiet form of self-sabotage.

You minimise your wins before anyone else has the chance to question them.

You rush past milestones, tell yourself they don’t count, or give all the credit to luck.

You don’t want to be perceived as arrogant or too full of yourself, so you make yourself smaller, softer, and easier to digest.

For a lot of people, this habit is so second nature that they don’t even realise they’re doing it.

They dismiss compliments, change the subject, or act like they don’t care-even when they do.

It’s not about lacking ambition. It’s about not feeling safe enough to take up space.

Where it comes from

1. Fear of judgment

When you grow up in environments where success is met with scrutiny, jealousy, or unrealistic expectations, it’s easy to associate visibility with risk.

So you learn to keep your wins low-key.

2. Social conditioning

Many people are taught to be humble-to never boast, to keep their heads down, to avoid drawing too much attention.

And while humility is a strength, shrinking isn’t the same as being humble.

Humility is quiet confidence. Shrinking is quiet fear.

3. Impostor thoughts

When you don’t feel like you deserve your success, it’s hard to fully own it.

You assume you just got lucky.

You believe if people looked closer, they’d find out you’re not really qualified.

This is what psychologists call the impostor phenomenon-it makes you doubt the validity of your achievements, even when they’re earned.

4. Fear of making others uncomfortable

Some people downplay their wins because they’re afraid of making others feel bad.

If your friends are struggling, if your peers are behind, you might feel guilty for being in a good place.

So you hide your growth in the name of not wanting to make anyone else feel small.

The cost of constantly shrinking

When you keep minimising your success, it becomes harder to believe in your own progress.

You start to move through life like nothing you do is good enough.

 You reach goals. You keep going.

Over time, this disconnect can wear down your confidence.

You stop setting goals that reflect your potential because you’ve internalised the idea that your wins don’t really matter.

Emotionally, shrinking can lead to burnout.

You’re doing the work, carrying the weight, pushing through.

It becomes a cycle of output without acknowledgment.

Signs you might be shrinking

• You feel uncomfortable when people praise or acknowledge you

• You tend to credit others or luck instead of your own effort

• You rarely share your wins, even with close friends

• You tone down your achievements in conversation

•You move on from accomplishments quickly without celebrating

How to step into your wins without guilt

1. Practice receiving compliments

Instead of deflecting, try saying “Thank you” and leaving it at that.

You don’t have to explain or dilute the praise.

Let yourself feel seen.

2. Keep a private record of your growth

Write down moments of progress, no matter how small.

Looking back at how far you’ve come helps remind you that your wins are real.

You’re not making them up.

3. Share selectively, but intentionally

You don’t have to post everything or announce every milestone.

But allow yourself to share with people who are safe and supportive.

You deserve to be celebrated.

4. Reframe your idea of “taking up space”

Owning your achievements isn’t arrogance. It’s truth.

You’re not being self-absorbed by acknowledging your progress.

You’re honouring the work you’ve done.

5. Be honest about what you want

Sometimes we pretend not to care because we’re afraid of disappointment.

But hiding your goals doesn’t protect you from failure-it just disconnects you from purpose.

Give yourself permission to want more.

Finally…

Shrinking is easy to justify. It feels polite.

It feels safe. But it slowly teaches you to treat your progress like a secret.

And the more you do it, the harder it becomes to fully show up for your own life.

You’re allowed to be proud. You’re allowed to feel joy when things go right.

You’re allowed to let your wins breathe instead of burying them.

Taking up space means recognising your own effort and allowing yourself to feel it.

It’s a quiet form of self-respect, not something that needs to be loud to be valid.

You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to prove anything.

But you also don’t have to hide.

You’re here. You’ve grown. That matters.

Haika Gerson is a writer and psychology student at the University of Derby, passionate about human behaviour and mental well-being.