In essence, the pregnancy experience should be one where women feel celebrated. She is carrying life, isn’t she? Asks Maggie Sanka, a mother of a three-year-old girl, Kai Adonia – who is based in the UK.
In essence, the pregnancy experience should be one where women feel celebrated. She is carrying life, isn’t she? Asks Maggie Sanka, a mother of a three-year-old girl, Kai Adonia – who is based in the UK. She explains that her experience wasn’t that bad. If asked to rate it she would probably give it 7 out of 10. She recalls how when her belly started showing, people would rub it. “I didn’t really mind. I thought it was sweet,” she says. “People can comment on your body even when they see that you’re pregnant. I don’t see it as a problem because it is obvious that I am eating for two,” she says with a laugh.
But not every woman thinks that a stranger rubbing her belly while pregnant is sweet. It feels like an invasion of someone’s body, especially if they do it without getting consent, says Tina Peter, a mother of three based in Dar es Salaam who is now pregnant with her fourth child. She doesn’t like it when people touch her. It gets worse when random people on the street tease her, asking her what she did last night and some even call her fat and ugly. She doesn’t understand what gives people the right to comment on her body image this way, even elder women who have been mothers themselves and know how difficult the process is. “It is so disrespectful,” she says.
The sad reality is that most pregnant women have to go through verbal abuse that leave them scarred emotionally. Devina Adosi who is the Scouts Assistant Chief Commissioner (Camp Site) was not exempt from foul language about her body image when she was pregnant. Her baby is just a month old and since her belly is still big, Devina walks around with her tummy covered with a shawl.
“You know, when you are pregnant, it is a difficult period and you need extra care. You have a lot of stress not just because of the normal issues of life, but also due to your state. Sometimes, your blood pressure might go up, your feet might hurt, depression might set in. The last thing you need is to deal with people’s comments about how you look or what you did behind closed doors prior to your pregnancy,” she explains.
Devina, who also tutors at Al Muntazir Islamic School, says that on a good day, she wouldn’t mind people’s verbal attacks. But when she was on a bad mood, they would really irritate her. “And it’s not just the verbal abuse that gets to me. In general, people are not sensitive to a pregnant woman’s needs. I would often be pushed while trying to get in a bus.
I had to incur extra costs. I had to board two buses home so that I would sit comfortably on my way back home,” she says. However, she appreciates her supportive boss who made her experience less stressful at work.
Cultural reasons
It is possible that culture has a lot to do with it, says Maggie. “Here in the UK, women wear whatever they want to wear while pregnant. I also didn’t mind wearing fitting clothes. You don’t even think twice. But back home (in Tanzania), women hide themselves a lot with shawls and big clothes to protect themselves from peering eyes and hurtful comments. And I know that some don’t want their bumps to be touched due to superstitious beliefs,” she says.
On the other hand, Milembe Sasali, a doctor based in Dar es Salaam who is a mother of a two-year-old testifies that she had a traumatizing experience while pregnant.
“People would tell me on my face that I have become ugly, and dark. They would say that I have become fat and that my belly is big. It is as if they don’t know that these things are normal for a pregnant woman,” she says.
Milembe was surprised when, 7 months into her pregnancy, a man hit on her. “I felt so bad about myself. I felt like I wasn’t a normal human being, maybe a ‘thing’ that people feel they can scorn,” she says. Although she didn’t refrain from wearing fitting clothes, she admits that she wore a lot of make up to feel beautiful.
But this isn’t just experienced by women in Tanzania. CNN reported in 2013 on rumours that what was considered a normal thing to do could become illegal in Pennsylvania, USA when a man reportedly faced possible harassment charges after touching the belly of a pregnant woman.
On Wednesday, musician John Legend wrote on his Twitter, ‘Funny there’s no dad-shaming. When both of us go out to dinner, shame both of us so Chrissy doesn’t have to take it all. We’ll split it.’
John and his partner, Chrissy Teigen, are new parents to a one-month-old daughter. Not only did John show support to the mother of his daughter, he also showed how a woman’s body is often tortured by high standards of beauty.
Even after 9 months of sucking in negative remarks about herself, now she has to deal with stretchmarks and baby weight which the world is always happy to remind her about.
Her husband can grow a pot belly at any time, but she who has carried life in her womb is not allowed to gain an extra kilo in the name of giving birth or for any reason really. And this is not just in Tanzania, it is global.
Anaty Kalolo, a mother of a one- year-old daughter based in Mbeya, admits that it does make a huge difference when your man tells you that you are beautiful while pregnant. “I am so glad that my husband was supportive.
He would always say that I looked good. Even when I started swelling and the features on my face started changing, he would assure me that I looked okay. He knew that I would hate myself if I thought I had become ugly to him. His support gave me confidence regardless of what other people said,” she says.
