Say it, Babe—what do men actually want to hear?

It’s Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and listen, I come in peace. But I must report us, ladies. We’ve fumbled.

We are the undisputed queens of communication, yes. But when it comes to talking to men in a way that feeds their soul instead of frying their ego. We drop the ball. Hard. Arsenal style.

We know how to say, “Where were you?” with tears. We can hit, “Why don’t you open up?” like we’re auditioning for a telenovela.

But how often do we say things like, “You don’t have to be strong all the time”? Or, “Even when you’re broke, you still matter to me”? Or the big one: “I’m proud of you”?

Exactly. Cue awkward silence. Maybe a confused meme. Definitely no affirmation.

The truth is, men want to hear those things. They just don’t know how to ask. Because society told them feelings are for women, babies, and maybe Wema.

So now, when you compliment a man’s emotional effort, he looks at you like you just handed him a live snake.

But fear not. I’ve done the work. I’ve listened in on barbershop debates in Sinza, watched emotional threads from dudes, and even took notes from a visibly heartbroken man pouring his heart out at a kaunta in Buguruni.

Ladies, I present: The Greatest Hits Album — What Tanzanian Men Actually Want to Hear (But Won’t Ask For).

“You’re allowed to rest.”

Yes, let him lie on the couch and scroll TikTok without calling him lazy. This man has fought traffic from Posta, answered 67 work emails, and survived three family group chats before lunch. Let him breathe. Burnout is not his birthright.

“You don’t have to fix everything.”

Sometimes, all he wants is to stare at the wall and say, “Life is hard.” Not change the lightbulb, rescue your cousin’s relationship, and figure out how to triple his income by Friday.

Even Google sometimes says, “No results found.” Let him be a soft king without handing him a wrench

“Thank you.”

Simple. Say it when he sends you 20K, even though his M-Pesa balance was 23K. When he picks you up in the rain and pretends not to be mad about it.

When he watches Bongomovies with your auntie and doesn’t complain (okay, maybe just a little). Appreciation is foreplay; tell a friend.

“I believe in you.”

Especially when his side hustle has made zero sales, the landlord is texting in capital letters, and his barber messed up his fade.

That one sentence? It can carry him through six months of rejection, three failed Saccos, and one broken iPhone charger.

“You’re enough. Even now.”

Yes, even when he’s eating ugali ya jana and reusing last month’s mobile data.

Tell him he’s still valuable, without sounding like you’re auditioning for a Yas advert.

Say it straight. Watch him exhale like he just paid all his bills early (a fantasy, but let’s allow it).

Now, a little accountability.Some of us say we want emotionally open men, but when he starts sharing, we switch off the WiFi.

You can’t demand vulnerability and then punish him for being vulnerable. You can’t yell “COMMUNICATE!” and then reply, “Okay, but that’s a bit too much,” the second he gets real.

Talk to your man like his feelings matter, because shockingly, they do. He’s more than a wallet, a ride to Coco Beach, or your personal handyman.

He’s human. He’s got feelings he’s been told to hide since Standard Two. Be the one who doesn’t make him regret opening up.

Say it, babe. He may not ask for it. He may grunt in response. But trust me, he needs to hear it.