When staying home becomes expensive: Men speak out

Some men say it feels almost unbelievable that one extra person at home could make such a difference. For them, even small daily routines seem to push expenses higher.

“It’s like one man can turn a small bill into a huge one. When I’m out, life goes on normally. When I stay home, suddenly the bills go up,” said a ride-hailing driver, Mr Hamisi Ally.

For many, it is not only the financial pressure but also the household atmosphere that becomes challenging.

A bank teller, Mr Jackson Mwita, said, “If I stay all day, I argue with my wife over small things, how I sit, how I use the remote, how I talk to the children. It becomes stressful.”

Entrepreneur Hassan Juma said the problem is also about control, “The house is too small for two bosses. I interfere with how my wife runs things or try to discipline the children differently. That creates clashes. It’s better to give each other space.”

Women, however, insist that men’s complaints are often exaggerated.

A secretary and mother of one, Ms Neema John, said, “My husband says bills rise when he stays home, but sometimes it’s because I suggest we go out together. Sunday trips or lunch outings increase expenses, but isn’t that part of family life?”

A mother of three, Ms Fatuma Kweka, added, “When their father is home, the children want outings, treats, and attention. That should not be seen as a problem, just part of parenting.”

Nurse Esther Rudolf argued that men often use bills as an excuse to avoid responsibilities.

“We also stretch the budget when he is home, but it’s because we want to do things as a family,” she said, adding that if women avoided home for the same reason, marriages would suffer.

Electrician Neema Mohamed pointed out a communication gap. “He says arguments increase, yet refuses to talk calmly. Avoiding home doesn’t solve anything,” she explained.

Psychologist, Dr Grace Gidion, said financial concerns are only part of the story.

“Men feel pressure from bills, but what they express is also stress about family expectations,” she said, adding that unresolved conflicts amplify anxiety.

“When men avoid home, it can create emotional distance. Even if they are physically elsewhere, women feel abandoned emotionally, which can lead to resentment. They want support and companionship, but the focus on bills overshadows these needs,” she said.

She emphasised that couples must openly discuss financial and emotional responsibilities.

“A balanced home is one where both men and women share duties and recognise that emotional presence matters as much as financial contribution,” she said.

While bills may increase when fathers are present, experts say the real cost of staying away is emotional.

Couples who learn to navigate both finances and family time find that shared presence strengthens bonds, builds memories, and teaches children the value of togetherness.